Sit with It

Although this was written months ago, I have yet to publish its entirety online. This poem is incredibly special to me. It tells of the pain that comes along with transformation and the hope that you might feel in the midst of it all.

For the live version of this poem, please visit my Youtube Channel

What does it feel like?, she asks
Frozen, my heart beats to push my corpse
What’s the feeling in your body?, she prods
Stomach uneasy, anxious blood running through my veins, seeking home in another’s shell
Sit with it.
Sit with it?
Sit with the pain, she says and I wonder if she knows what mine feels like
Sit with it…
Let it burn from inside your heart until it comes oozing out, blood curdling at the seams, I hear
Sit with it…
Let the claws dig deeper into your neck, the heel stand harder on your chest while your last breath escapes you, I hear
Sit with it…
Let the demons inside slice you with their tongues of knives, tearing apart everything you knew to be true, I hear
Sit with it…
Cry–Cry heaving on the ground, clutching your gut as if it will hold you together, one organ strung to another
Sit with it
She doesn’t know my pain,
I’m certain.
Because neither did I
Once I invited it in to stay for longer than a flick of a candle
It chose to show off its wild, ugly self
Sit with it, she says
But what kind of guest overstays their welcome by coloring in the outlines of your deepest fears,
convincing you that you cannot be loved,
and hovering at your side each night to keep you awake.
Whispering. Chattering.
Like a clock that ticks too loudly
You. Are. Not. Enough. Tick.
Sit with it, she says
Until when?, I wonder, as my body is crushed under its weight
How will I know when it’s been long enough?, I think, while my hands go numb and my lungs collapse.

On the back sides of my eyelids I see a woman
Although I can’t make out the details of her face, the color of her hair, or the dress she wears,
I can sense her power
She walks closer to me but the picture remains in the fog
I squint harder, hoping the image will grow brighter
Before the fire rouses to sting
Before the claws begin to grip
Before the voice calls me names
Sit with it.

What If I sat with her instead?
What if I step inside her soles, my feet pressing in one at a time
How would I feel with the softness of her skin as mine, glowing with a pulsing radiance?
What could I create within the wooden walls of her grounded body?
I might step forward with pride as she does, beckoning you towards her with her energy
I might stand tall if my bones could handle it
speak out if my throat could twist open enough
fly freely if my mind let go of the rules of gravity
Would I have the strength,
the power, then
to sit with it?

4 Replies to “Sit with It”

  1. Another powerful post that helps us know you better. The smiling face that tops the poem belies all that goes on inside. I’ll bet that’s true for most of us. You let us glimpse the depth. Gutsy girl!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow wow wow. Having been a fan of spoken word for ages, for it’s power to speak in rhythm and feelings and movement, to play with emotions and words with so many diverse tools at it’s disposal… having sat in my therapy sessions while being urged to sit with something I hadn’t even known I was avoiding; I was that good at it… having been inspired to post my own poem that I performed once although the preparation and collaboration what even more life changing… WOW. I love the way your words leap off the page. This is so easy to read and to listen to, it speaks so loudly your truth.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s